Scotland’s obsession with supermoons, football, and Kipper

P1030991 (2)There seems to be an increasing size phenomena in Scotland, everything is expanding. I think it has to do with the 3 supermoons that will be experienced in 2014, it can not be from football everyone would be running around. I went into Marks and Spencer today and saw eye-popping bra sizes of FF, GG and the lovely well endowed young women shopping for them. Scotland is expanding and that may not be bad for somethings.

It was a warm evening by the Hazelnut wood fueled fireplace and after watching the highlights of the Scottish Professional Football League (SPFL) on my computer, the conversation turned to the chubby kitty Kipper. I thought he was fairly large for a 7 month old cat and wondered if indeed the moon was super sizing this cat. I was sure it wasn’t some evil fast food menace pumping nasty chemicals and hormones into the simple-minded creature. The mind numbing overtly obvious media campaigns were having no influence on this beast, he had no access to the TV, none to radio and he shat on the newspapers.

IMG_20140205_214731Kipper (AKA Chicken Hunter) was put into the Oxfam bag which he loves being carried around in. I think that’s how the stork delivered him. Onto the scales went the Oxfam bag with Kipper inside.

In Dougie’s Almanac of Scotland’s farm animals the weight of a 7 month old cat should be about 3.22 Kg. He had not been outside lately because of the wet weather what a pussy cat. I scoffed a banana and chugged some water as Kipper lay placidly in his Oxfam charity shop bag. The scales revealed the 7 month old chicken thumpers weight. It turns out he is about 25% heavier than the average farm cat. When BBC Scotland hears about Kipper and his very incredible weight, they will most likely want to verify his weight and age. I welcome this and please feel free to contact me with any questions.


Even though Kipper is heavier than the average farm cat he looks good, can do his duties, is affectionate, and is happy. It seems to suggest to me that it is possible to apply for some proper funding to conduct a proper scientific study into the expanding world involving the weight of Scotland’s cats, young women and if the supermoons are responsible for this because it for sure has nothing to do with Scotlands favorite sport, football.


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  1. or has he been binge drinking in Aberdeen with the blue marble-leg ladies ….

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